BYOB(utter)

comfort food, a couch and a nap was just about all i wanted after some glorious wedding festivities a few weekends ago. alas, there was only time for lunch. so i settled for a chain restaurant and hilarious hungover recollections of the previous night with my bff. thanfully (this time) suburbia can be so dependable and since we had NO idea what we wanted, we opted for the cheesecake factory where they have a 20 plus page menu of everything. ya know 3000 calorie salads, meals large enough to feed three people and an overflowing bread basket. delectable little devil. but after shaking it on the dance floor the entire night before, we earned needed it.

the thing is, you know what you're getting yourself into the moment you set food in the place. you can pretend to watch your calorie intake, but frankly, it better be about the dining experience and/or your company cause you aren't doing your body any favors. But! that's okay. you're are there. enjoy it. order the salad minus the fixings or don't.

so we settle in, order the exact same meals (that we should have just shared) and begin to recount the night.

not long after we order, two twenty-something girls sit down, also laughing about their night. one has the most darling haircut. short, shapely, trendy. kinda like the bob's cool older sister. i considered snapping a photo, but noting the promixity of the tables - i restrained. despite their closeness, i didn't pay much more attention to the girls till their bread basket arrived and i noticed 'cute hair girl' digging in her bag and pulling out a family size bottle of 'i can't believe its not butter' spray. i stare. i look at pam. i look again to be sure. yep, homegirl brought spray butter to the cheesecake factory.

then they screw off the top and dump it on their plates. ya know, so they can dip their bread. WHAT!? how about just dont use butter?! and how long has that been in your bag? do you bring it everywhere? ahhhh. i can only imagine what my face was doing. thankfully my bff caught on and shot back an equal 'WTF?!' look.

then their meals come. what did 'cute hair girl' get? oh, a side of steamed veggies and scoop of white rice which she combined and proceeded to pour the spray butter all over it.

pam and i lock eyes, smile and simultaneously take big bites of our crispy chicken sandwich.

homegirl, it does not say BYOB(utter) on the menu.

oooh its so time to go. we take a little stroll around the mall, get some coffee and head back to her car. we look up and sitting on bench are those two spray butter dumpers...flossing their teeth!

i looked at pam and say, "get me out of this place."