a week of 'firsts'

• first 80+ degree day (yay for sleeveless dresses and flip flops! - in between all those downpours, of course.)

• first experience with acupuncture and wow, its incredible. the actual phrase - "the passing traffic is like crashing waves" came out of my mouth while sitting there during my 15 min session. have you tried it before? you must.

• first time shopping for a condo. its so much fun and gives me all kinds of anxiety. the money! the location! finding something i *love* not just *like* in my price range is seeming to be quite difficult. i'm sure i will have to give on some things, but i've just started and i have lots of terrific help. must be patient...

• first time in a long time, things have been put in perspective with a friend's mom in critical condition (out of no where) when his dad just passed a little over two years ago.

• first time at tuman's. serious birthday dance party ensued alllll night loooong.

• first time drunk on corona with stef

• first time sample fest at the newish meatloaf bakery

• first time felt too old for most of things in urban outfitters

• first time my reader has been down to zero or even below 1000+ in months

• first time meeting suz's new pup, todd or 'the white one' or something else we aren't calling him.

• first nighttime bar patio hangout with lots of friends

• first time at the pretty awesome arie crown theater to see flight of the conchords. the venue was a pain the ass to get to, but the acoustics made up for it -- that and the boys put on quite a hilarious performance -- even better than expected...


and a very serious/exciting first coming soon:

• my baby sister graduating from COLLEGE this weekend! yes, that makes it officially five years since i've been gone from wonderful dayton, ohio. crazy crazy. i sorta miss that organized, neurotic, over-confident version of myself. sorta. can't wait to nab a new UD hoodie and show those college kids i've only improved at flip cup. besides, i'm about overdue for some family time and i can't really see a better place to spend a weekend than in the tented backyards of dayton's "ghetto."

happy weekend-ing.

totally dissed dude

do you guys use quitter? regardless, the basic idea is that you give them your twitter name and email address and they email you when someone stops following you - or "quits" you.

i signed up back in the fall and for a while it was working. i'd say something about kelly clarkson or tweet 10 too many times in one day, and someone would unfollow me. fine. i get it. i do it too. and really, its TWITTER. if you don't want my updates, your loss. or something...

anyways, in the last few months it seems there has been some serious glitches in their system. updates come maybe once a month, but always in bulk.

this morning was no exception:

dissed. guess they'll never know the next time i burn my tongue or hear about how much i loooooove puppiesss. like i said, their loss ;)

what NOT to say to a girl:

• i'm just infatuated by how short you are (after several round of head-patting) - yes like you do to a small child or perhaps, dog. as stef put it - "you're not a circus act." not cool dude. i don't care that its 1am and you have been drinking here since 2pm. maybe its time to go home? no one wants to see those 'dance moves' anyways...

• i can tell you're irish (out of no where. where did you even come from? how long have you been standing there waiting for me to turn my head?) <--- oh and, i'm not irish dude.

• i bet as far as you can think back, you've affected everyone's lives you've known positively. <--- RIGHT after that irish comment. seriously?

• you are a silly person, aren't you? class clown i bet. i can just sense this about people. and silly is not a bad thing. its actually a great compliment. but i could tell from the moment i saw you, you are just silly. <--- can you please not spit on me as you continue to say how silly my face is without speaking? thanks.

• i know these things...i'm a psychologist. i've written 8 books. <--- ooooooooh reeeeallly? let's see about that... (pick up iphone)


i attract the winners.

my breakfast was better than yours

last week...

but for the last three days, my kitchen has been completely out of use. the entire power strip that houses our oven and every other appliance completely blew friday night when stef and i were trying to cook up a delicious corona-fueled dinner.

so this awesome breakfast shown above is the last meal i've cooked in my kitchen. that was friday morning. its sunday night. yes, i love eating out. but not when i have a fridge full of food trying to get on a money-saving kick.

wanna know the best part of this mess? my landlord TURNED OFF his cell phone after talking to me once and no one got back to me (despite my three messages i left them) about how this was going to be fixed till late tonight. i am an adult, please keep your disrespect in check. i have no need for your condescending tone. i cannot wait to be done with these slumlords. i'm counting down the days till its new apartment (maybe condo!?!?) day.

GPOYW

vegas signage style <-- more to come on this amazingness, i promise.

yes, i have LOTS of pics and stories to share. but there's no time, there's never any time. i've been busy with trying to get back on a decent sleep schedule, not eating mass quantities of garbage every hour, getting more of a work out than walking around the strip with a wonderful sun-soaked buzz and trying not to fall in a deep 'back to the real world/ i miss vegas and the smokin hot weather' depression.

needless to say, none of that is going too hot. i'm still so exhausted.

hopefully the weekend's forecast will help. there's not quite anything like a sunny, 80* degree day in chicago's early spring.

I Don’t Want to Grow Up!

this post is brought to you from a lovely NYC blogger, named maris. you might know her from her delicious food blog or perhaps from when she's writing a bit more candidly about being a 20something. if she's new to you, check her out. i'd be lying if i didn't say that at least one of her recipes gets starred if not shared a la goog reader each week. enjoy.
--

When I was in fifth grade, I was sure I wanted to be a lawyer. I saw The Client, thought that Brad Renfro was pretty hot, and decided that I would be the fiercest prosecutor since Marcia Clark. Since then, I’ve wanted to be a teacher, a novelist and a businesswoman (although I never had any idea what kind of business I actually wanted to do. I wanted to wear heels and dress up for work and that was that). If only I knew then how much I would value the idea of wearing sweatpants all day…

I digress.

In college, I changed my major about fourteen times, often vacillating between Communications and Creative Writing, with a brief stint sophomore year in Elementary Ed, which I quickly abandoned after a summer job at a day camp prompted me to reach the realize that as a teacher, I would be forced to spend days with other people’s nose-picking, peanut-allergic children, little people who couldn’t read and who don’t always wash their hands after they use the bathroom.

As adorable as they’ll be when they are my kids or your kids, there’s something about spending the bulk of my waking hours with people who think diarrhea is funny just didn’t appeal to me on a few levels. I don’t dislike children – in fact, it’s seldom that I don’t come across a baby whose cheeks I want to squeeze.

I digress again.

When my brother was three years old he was dead set on being the ice cream man. As he went on to elementary school, he decided he would be a firefighter and soon thereafter, started planning for career as an astronaut (this may or may not have been around the same time Apollo 13 hit theaters).

When I finally settled on a double major in Creative Writing and Communications I wasn’t exactly sure what I would do with it. I stumbled into a job at a public relations agency and the rest is history. Sometimes though, I see the striking similarities between public relations and my fifth grade ambitions to be a prosecutor.

You need to be well-read and well-spoken for a job in public relations. There’s public speaking involved. You represent your client – in different ways, but client service is certainly an important part of both jobs. Even though my fifth grade self might be disappointed that I didn’t turn out to follow in the footsteps Chris Darden, et al, I’ve certainly used some of the same skills that I’ve always thought I would.

My brother, graduating college this year with a major in TV Productions, probably won’t see his way to the moon, but he isn’t sure exactly what he plans to do with his degree come June.

How did you decide what career path you wanted to follow? When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grow up?

A Rule

i'm sure this guest blogger below needs no introduction, but i'll give you a hint. he likes to drink beer, yell at things and is pretty obsessed with his dog. yep, you guessed it - chris from surviving myself.

despite his self-imposed hiatus, he agreed to write a little bit for all my fans. he's made me laugh in the past with his where's waldo commentary among much more. if you're not reading him you should probably start. before he, ughhh, stops? anyways, enjoy.
--

As a man, I know many things. I know about my favorite girl, I know about breaking stuff and I know about drinking beer. I also know how things are Supposed To Be, and one thing that should never be, is Stall Talk.

Today, unfortunately, I had to endure this travesty.
When the moment came that I needed to go to the bathroom, I got up from my chair in my office and made my way to the men’s room.

I entered the bathroom and noticed that a stall was open, and that there was another presence in the room, the Office Talker. He's a nice guy and everything, but the guy just talks and talks non-fucking-stop. Well, needless to say, Office Talker caused some alarm within myself.

The moment seemed to pass harmlessly as I edged past him and we exchanged a normal greeting. Within seconds I was reading the paper in the stall and thinking about the mysteries of life (this is what all Great People do).
Suddenly, Office Talker started up. "So, almost got my Christmas shopping done, how about you?"
I froze.

I panicked.

I questioned if there was anyone else in the bathroom that I failed to notice, but there wasn't, and Office Talker was just getting started. "Yeah, my wife can be hard to buy gifts for, she can be really picky, you know?"
I realized that I was done for. This dude was actually trying to talk to me while I was in the stall.
I blurted out a quick, "Yeah" to hopefully silence him, but it seemed to only encourage his behavior. He continued, "Hahaha, yeah, but I guess we all have to deal with stuff like that around the holidays huh?"

Now I was outraged. Who did this dude think he was??? I don't care if you’re my closest friend telling me about how you were abandoned as a child, I don't want to hear it when I'm in the stall! There are few places a man can go and be at peace with the world, and the stall is one of them.
A couple more comments from Office Talker and enraged silence from me lead him to finally leave the bathroom, and I got to finish in peace, albeit furious, hate-filled peace.

The Office Talker made me want to smash his neck in with the bathroom plunger, but his actions also prompted this post. Please, if you have any decency in you, do not engage others in Stall Talk. There is a door for a reason, and I am doing things in there that you don't really want to know about anyway.

Maybe, if you follow this simple rule, I will leave you the newspaper for you to enjoy upon your visit. Oh! But wait! I do that anyway. That is because I Know About Things, and that is because I know while leaving the newspaper for your fellow man is considered kind, Stall Talk will always, always be considered pure evil.

Someone needs to get out more...

Hey kids. I'm Joy and I write over at Big Time Fancy.

Ang is in Vegas and that makes me a million kinds of jealous because I have never been to Vegas. And then I started to think about it, and really - I've never been anywhere.

Any I mean that - ANYWHERE.

Here's a list of places that normal people go that I have not been:

• THE ENTIRE WEST COAST.
- Seattle
- LA
- San Fran
- San Diego
- Is there anything in Oregon? I dunno, but I've never been.

• VEGAS. I know - I can't believe it either. And neither could Ang when I told her about it this afternoon.

• THE STATE PARKS IN THE WESTERN CHUNK OF THE COUNTRY. Know where I have been? - North Dakota. Know where I haven't been? Even on a lame family road trip? Yellowstone. Yosemite. Mt Rushmore.

• TEXAS. My dad went for a work trip once and sent me a postcard from San Antonio with a picture of a steer and the Alamo on it. That's as close as I've gotten to Texas.

• THE ENTIRE EAST COAST
- Boston
- NYC
- Philly
- Pitt
- DC
- Anything north of Floria along that coastline

• MEXICO. No even for spring break in college.

• EUROPE. Except for Spain and Gibraltar. And Gibraltar doesn't fucking count because we were in and out of that place in 20 minutes.

• AFRICA. Except for Morocco - which might be the skeeviest country of all time as far as my 17 year old ass was concerned.

• ASIA. All of it.

• AUSTRALIA. I want a kangaroo. Or something.
And there you have it, kids. That's a comprehensive list of places I have not gone.

Where haven't you been? And where do you want to go?

GPOYW + 2

this picture is nearly three years old and it marks the beginning of our annual vacations, which started no where else but in lovely las vegas.

similarly, in just a matter of hours, i'll be in route to good 'ol sin city. oh yes - the time has come for another vaca for this traveling trio. not sure what it is about this time, but i can't quite contain my excitement. i've been lots (duh), there's just something about that town that gets me all giddy. the lights, the heat, the attractions, the overall excessiveness - i just love it all.

so i'll be absent from the blog world for a few days. but i'm not gonna let this place get totally neglected. instead, i've lined up a few guest bloggers to write in my absence. if you really need *my* anecdotes i'm sure i'll have plenty booze-induced tweets to get you through your days ;)

i'll give the king a high five for ya - or better yet, i'll pick up one of those call girls cards they pass out on the streets. see i know what the people want.

redneck infidelity

its a surreal feeling being on the set of a television show - especially one that generally involves fist fights and baby mommas. yet as we were being seated in the audience of the jerry springer show, i couldn't get the shit-eating grin off my face. i was seriously in the studio audience of springer? does this make me ridiculously cool or complete white trash? instead of having an internal debate, i decided to indulge in the amazingness that was all around me. the ridiculous set that looked like it could be blown down with a huff and a puff from the big bad wolf. the hysterical 'too hot for tv' video clips playing on every monitor in sight. and the people in the audience with me who clearly just came for jerry's beads* or to stand up and comment to the panel of guests at the end of the show. sensory overload would be one way to describe the situation. everywhere you looked something better was going on...

when it was finally time to get things moving we got a pep talk from one of the producers, then coached on proper cheering/jerry-chatting etiquette. (ie: when a fight starts - stand up cheer, yell and then start chatting JERRY-JERRY-JERRY until they are broken up and we are told to sit down). i've seen the show a lot in my years so i knew they fought a LOT - but thought it HAD to be exaggerated for tv, right? wrong.

after our jerry lesson, jerry himself came out for a rather lame monologue and to field the audience for questions. no one with any sort of IQ spoke and before long, it was time for the main event.

JERRY-JERRY-JERRY-JERRY-JERRY-JERRY-JERRY

the first guy we met thought his girlfriend had cheated on him with his cousin's boyfriend (follow that?)

"i came home and seen his car in my driveway. i'z like why hiz car be here at 3 in the god damn morning? i knew there wuz somethin up so i went around to the back of the house and looked in the window. theyz be sittin on MY bed fully clothed but it wuz 3am remember. so i grabbed a stick, climbed through the window and chased him out of MY house" (or something like that)

turns out the scrawny, bald, green-tatted, 40yr old was right. his 20something gf was doing this 19 yr old/bf of his cousin. but don't worry, true to form - the whole fam showed up for the shit show. there were countless fights, ridiculous things said and just about everyone was shirtless by the end of the segment. i'm really not sure my words could do justice to the entertainment value this dysfunctional "family" provided. i think one of my fave quotes of the day came from that klassy 19 yr old (who has a 3 yr old with the cousin on why he's NOT bad for her).

"i mean, i might call her a bitch or a slut - but its not like i beat her!"

now that's healthy...
by the end of this circus act, all i could do was gasp in disbelief. where do these people come from?!

the second segment wasn't quite as entertaining - but really, i'm not sure much could have properly followed that disaster. this woman was prego with her 5th kid, but was bringing her hubby on to tell him the baby might not be his. (OH SNAP!) the hubby is a 'professional pool and spa specialist' with some joker-resembling hair and who also happened to be in the closet (okay i made that part up - but it was painfully obvious). he's always out of town - like for months at a time - so apparently homegirl was feeling neglected and frisky. there was confrontation, crying and more clothing-tearing. pretty standard.

afterwards the whole 'cast' was lined up on the stage and the audience was let loose to ask questions. no one was too original, but i wasn't about to get up and say a damn thing. those people were BRUTAL.

definitely an awesome way to spend my birthday (sorry for the delay on this one). but as funny as it was, you can't help but feel terrible for these people when it is all over. this is their lives - (yes i do not think it is made up.) trust me, they aren't smart enough to be acting.

after almost 15 yrs, the show is moving to connecticut this summer. i hope i can get back. keeping my fingers crossed for "i'm a tranny, do you still love me?"


* jerry beads: the producer throws beads at you if you show your boobs, no really.

3rd annual easter party!

some traditions are a force to be reckoned with -- our adult easter party happens to be one of those. this past weekend was our 3rd annual egg hunt/ egg toss eggtravaganza (see what i did there). its always cold, its always sunny and its always one of my fave days of the spring. day-drinking, all my friends and hilarious activities that provide awesome photographic opportunities.

prepping for the hunt!  there were over 50 eggs hidden on the block. 

aaaaaaaaand we're off!

discovering what the easter bunny left us.  jello shots, of course, but there were also "bunny bucks" and not so politically correct notes.  that bunny...

egg hunt time.  looks who's in charge of this one...

the line up

round one

round three - relocated to a different section of the classy alley due to the sun.

post easter party it time to rock out at the metro with mates of state. i couldn't see too well (per usual), but they sounded great. their hour set went waaaay too fast. but that may also have to do with the fact that we had been drinking for several hours. maybe.

all in all, a pretty badass saturday.

GPOYW

me in a sea of bouncy balls after just arriving in milwaukee this past weekend. i never have quite mastered those claw games. in fact, the last time i "won" anything out of one of those machines, i may have bribed a 10 year old with candy at dave and busters. don't judge. i NEEDED that tootsie roll pillow!

wisconsin adventure (check)

• first time on an amtrak (check)
• incredible fun and cheap brewery tour (check)
• consuming cheese curds and the best cheeseburger in milwaukee (check)
• visiting a plethora of dive bars (check)
• experiencing one of the best bars EVER invented (check)
• best late night gyro (check)
• acquired bumper stickers and/or glasses from just about every weekend pit stop (check)
• sunday at the art museum (check)
• ate WI famous custard and saw lots of cows (check)
• home by 5pm thanks to the easiest train ride ever (check)

as you can see our weekend in milwaukee was action-packed. will was an incredible host. he made sure we had the best of the best when it came to the many fatty tastes of wisconsin and made sure we saw all the sights.

there were two definite highlights:

1) the lakefront brewery tour -- 4 beers, friendly staff, entertainment and an adorable tour guide -- all for $6. AND you get a free pint glass at the end. quite the deal. not to mention all the laughs we had at some poor patrons' expense. i'm sorry...but when you tell me with all seriousness that you are more protective of your camera lens than your children, i'm going to laugh AT you. not to mention we were at a BREWERY and you brought your 8 and 11 yr olds.

2) an awesome visit to the safe house -- this was one of the coolest bars i've ever been to. firstly you need a password to get in and when you don't know it (like stef and myself) they make you do something 'embarrassing' on camera. for us, it was 30 seconds of doing the robot. once you get in, enter: stimulus overload. the walls are packed with old school posters, signs and randomness. there's two way mirrors, hidden cameras, alarms, fake doorways, moving walls, puzzels etc, etc. i could have spent many, many more hours in that adult playground. there will be a next time and this time, i'll know the password...

all in all, a fantastic weekend. we could have used a little warmer temps, but then again, can't we always? enjoy the photos...

sunny day in milwaukee

hanging with our host

post-brewery car ride

2 way window/mirror fun

safe house

another dive bar, another kev and ang pic

scary kev in the blue room at the museum

rows and rows of cows. some would call it mooooving...

now that monday is winding down, only 4 more days till another fun-filled weekend. broadway play, another dose of country night, a birthday dinner, our annual easter egg hunt and a concert at the metro. then its only three work days till vegas. here's to the work week flying by...

hello april

in a haze of country nights, birthday-celebrating, dentist appointments, a deathly sickness and visiting college friends - its april. i can't believe how fast life is moving. not that i'm complaining. but let's just go ahead and fast forward to june - then slow down the tape, perhaps even pause for a few extra months - soak in that sun, bare our winterized legs and bring out the freckles. life is just sparkles a little more completely when you're not bundled in layers and you get your necessary dose of vitamin d.

this weekend i'm headed up to milwaukee to visit my friend will from college. this trip has been years in the making and i'm glad to finally have a train ticket booked and friends to join me on our wisconsin adventure. there will be a brewery tour, a password-only bar, undoubtedly lots of food and the art museum i've only heard wonderful things about. should be a nice little break from the city. it always seems like the weekend lasts a little bit longer when you get away and stay busy. maybe its just me. regardless i'm excited. hmmm too bad its not 80* there. then again, 80* is not an hour train ride away. if it was, i have a feeling the entire city of chicago would commute there each weekend. wow, consider that. traveling an hour to warmth any time of the year. yes, these are the things midwesterners dream about. sorry i seem to be stuck in sunny dreams laced with rambling this afternoon.

well have good weekends and keep smilin', keep shinin'...
yeah i just linked to a video of "that's what friends are for." you know you want to watch it.